The Birth of Hayes Alan

“Wherever and however you intend to give birth, your experience will impact your emotions, your mind, your body, and your spirit for the rest of your life.” –Ina May

As I prepared to give birth to my second child, Hayes Alan, the quote above spoke to my soul. My first birth experience (which you can read here) left much to be desired. I was thankful to achieve a natural delivery; however, labor was wrought with restrictions in movement and pressure to comply with hospital policies. I was struck by memories of darkness surrounding my labor. For hours, I felt unsupported and stressed while lying in a hospital bed attached to monitors. While I persevered through the pain, I struggled to feel like I had any control in this major life event. After much reflection, I was determined to create a more peaceful and joyful birth experience. This story details the journey that led me to confidently decide to give birth at home. I felt so empowered in this decision. It also describes the quick, intense, and beautiful labor and delivery that followed. I will cherish this sacred, life-giving experience forever.

Surprise!!!

The morning of Tuesday, November 4th, 2015 was full of shock, awe, excitement, and thankfulness. These feelings were mixed with anxiousness, fear, and disbelief. Matt was traveling on a business trip to Mexico, and Lydia and I remained at home in Nashville. Monday night, I was exhausted, and I fell asleep soon after I put Lydia to bed. I clearly remember waking up suddenly around 3 am after I had a vivid dream that I was pregnant with twins. For some reason, this dream caught me off guard. I deliriously walked to the bathroom and took a pregnancy test. I set the test aside and thought to myself, “That was crazy…why would I be pregnant again six months postpartum?” It felt like an out of body experience. So, I went back to bed without even looking at the result. I suppose I was too tired to care. Or, maybe I felt content to remain in denial. I slept the rest of the night and awoke in the morning to the sound of Lydia talking. She was my alarm clock.

While I was getting us both ready to go to bible study, I walked back into the bathroom and the pregnancy test caught my eye. Chuckling, I picked up the test stick and realized the second line was dark! It immediately took my breath away. I sat down and stared at the test in utter disbelief. My thoughts and emotions were jumbled…Positive. Whoa. Really? Big eyes. Deep breath. Is it possible? Smile… It was a struggle to concentrate as my mind flooded with questions and excitement.

Once I regained my composure, I realized our babies would be about 15 months apart and my mind was overwhelmed with fears. How exactly would I keep my life together and my kids scheduled, while also keeping myself sane (and because I assumed it was another girl, how would I keep their bows on straight)?! Nevertheless, when I thought deep into my core, I proclaimed prayers of thankfulness. I thought to myself, “I absolutely love being a mom to the sweetest little girl, Lydia Riley. And, I get to experience motherhood AGAIN.” I did not have to endure cycle counting, ovulation tests, worry, or doubt. What a gift and a blessing! I felt a great sense of humility, joy, and responsibility that God was entrusting us with another precious life.

The Journey to Choose Home Birth:

The first half of my pregnancy proved to be a physically challenging experience. The exhaustion was brutal. I generally felt like a walking zombie. The numerous headaches and resulting nausea were tough to manage while caring for a 6-month-old infant and working part time. Lydia was breastfeeding large volumes of milk and my body was struggling to keep up. I felt like I was eating and drinking constantly, but it was never enough. However, I was determined to continue breastfeeding for as long as my body would produce enough milk. So, I pressed on.

In addition to the physical challenges, I was trying to process my first birth experience. I realized I was traumatized by the gestational diabetes diagnosis I received during my pregnancy, and I was constantly fixated on the matter. Here is the back-story: My one-hour glucose test came back at 206, which is high enough to automatically diagnose gestational diabetes. I was immediately sent to an endocrinology doctor and was instructed to test my blood sugar after each meal for the rest of my pregnancy. From the day I started charting, I did not have one result out of the normal range. This left me perplexed by the diagnosis. In fact, when I cut out carbohydrates and sugar, my readings would be borderline hypoglycemic, and I felt light headed and shaky.

My best friend, Lia, was pregnant as well with an estimated due date two days ahead of me. She passed her glucose test, so we decided an experiment was necessary. Lia brought Jimmy Johns sandwiches for dinner and we ate them at the same time. An hour later, we both checked our blood sugar. While both of our results remained in normal range, Lia’s blood sugar was higher than mine. Now, I was really curious to see if there were any foods that would trigger a spike. I tested skittles, milkshakes, and soda, but the results remained unchanged. In turn, I spoke with several midwives in the practice about these odd findings. I even asked to take the three-hour glucose test to see whether the diagnosis was accurate. In response, I was told that this test could be harmful to my baby because my one-hour result was so high. As you can imagine, I was frustrated. I so deeply wanted to confirm whether the first test result was a lab error. It cost me a great deal of stress, money, and time not knowing the truth.

Several providers reassured me that I would not be treated as if I was gestational diabetic during labor because I was diet controlled. However, as I explained in Lydia’s birth story, nurses were checking my blood sugar while I was laboring and it was a major distraction. Of course, my result was five points higher than the normal range. I was in a stressful environment laboring naturally. When my blood sugar had not normalized immediately after my unmedicated delivery, I was given insulin per hospital protocol.

In the end, I struggled most with the fact that none of the care providers I spoke with were willing to look further into the diagnosis when my blood sugars were completely normal. In processing, I realized I was ultimately looking for a care provider who would listen to my story, treat me as an individual client, and seek the truth. Generic answers would not suffice. This dilemma revealed important desires that led me on a mission to find the best provider.

Seeking expertise and advice, I took a list of questions to a trusted midwife. I hoped to gain perspective on my gestational diabetes saga. In our discussion, she asked whether I had considered delivering at the birth center or at home. While I was so thankful for her honest encouragement and genuine guidance, my immediate gut reaction was that a home birth was not for me. As a Neonatal Intensive Care nurse myself, I thought, “that’s too risky!” However, I was willing to consider the birth center.

Shortly thereafter, I went for a tour of Baby and Co., and I fell in love with the calming environment. The rooms were gorgeous, it did not feel like a hospital, and I loved the midwifery model of care. However, I quickly realized this option did not accommodate several of my desires. While there was a smaller group of providers, the midwife on call would deliver the baby. In addition, if my glucose test result was abnormal and I received a gestational diabetes diagnosis, I would be transferred out of the practice. It did not matter if my sugars were diet controlled. This protocol made me feel anxious. I was terrified that I would be forced to transfer my prenatal care during my third trimester. Most importantly, I gained the perspective that a birth center has the same emergency equipment, medications and resuscitation capabilities as a home birth team. To be accurate, Baby and Co. does have a contract with Angel Transport for any emergent baby transfers (a relief for my NICU heart). However, this luxury aside, the medical capabilities are equal. Finally, our medical insurance proved to be another hurdle. According to our plan, the birth center was out-of-network and it would cost more than a hospital or home birth.

With this knowledge, I continued my prenatal care with the midwife I trusted. I tried to convince myself that I was comfortable with another hospital birth if she could be there for delivery. She was so patient with me as I nearly begged her to agree. But, she gently reminded me that there was no guarantee due to practice requirements and personal obligations. I knew the uncertainty would leave me feeling stressed. At this point, it was clear, I needed to explore the possibility of a home birth.

I was nearly halfway through my pregnancy researching to educate myself on this birth option. I soon acknowledged that prior to my reading, I had fallen into the strong American stigma that home birth was not safe. I realized that with a low risk pregnancy the number of negative home birth outcomes was alarmingly comparable to that in a hospital setting. I sent my findings to Matt, and I asked him to objectively consider the information. I found him supportive of the idea and willing to explore this option. Soon, I consulted friends who had chosen a home birth to ask about their experiences. I contacted Merrill seeking advice and she encouraged me to meet with a midwife. As I read home birth stories, I realized the only thing holding me back was fear. Therefore, I set up a consultation with Vines Midwifery. Matt and I were excited to meet Jennifer and learn more about her practice. We felt a connection to her immediately and were comfortable asking our questions and discussing our fears. She exuded confidence, and she had a wealth of knowledge. She seemed calm-spirited yet cautious, and we felt confident in her midwifery skills and ability to intervene if necessary. Following our meeting, I felt a new passion welling up in my heart, and I knew this option encompassed all of my birth desires. Though it took a few weeks of processing to commit, I finally felt empowered to confidently choose a home birth.

Here are the reasons behind my decision…(Disclaimer: I am not projecting that home birth is the correct choice for every mother. In fact, it is only deemed safe for low-risk, healthy mothers with no prenatal complications. Every woman is in charge of her own experience and must research and decide where she feels comfortable giving birth. Obviously, I have strong feelings about natural childbirth and the experience that surrounds this sacred experience; however, that does not mean there are no other positive birth experiences outside of the home. I chose a home birth because it encompassed the experience and environment that best aligned with my birthing goals.)

1. The stable, trusted relationship with our midwife was extremely important. As I mentioned above, I desperately wanted to know and trust the provider who would deliver this precious baby. We fully believed in Jennifer Vines and I loved developing a relationship with her at all of my prenatal appointments. She gave me grace as I ran in ten minutes late most days with my one year old in tow. She had time for me. She knew my pregnancy history. She knew my family. She knew and believed in ME.
2. I desired a comfortable, peaceful environment. Hospitals are for sick people and high-risk pregnancies. I had no reason to believe I fit either of those categories. I felt comfortable in my own home, and I knew I could relax in my own, peaceful environment. I did not want any intervention the hospital had to offer unless it was absolutely necessary.
3. We lived in close proximity to a reputable medical center and neonatal intensive care unit. – We lived less than a mile from Vanderbilt Medical Center if transfer was necessary.
4. This was a low risk pregnancy. – I was healthy. Baby was healthy. And, I had already experienced a natural birth. I knew my body was fully capable.
5. The research upholds that with a low risk pregnancy home birth is a safe option.
6. If I did in fact have gestational diabetes this pregnancy, I could still have a home birth if my sugars were diet controlled. I felt confident that even if my blood sugars were elevated I could tweak my diet to ensure they were controlled. I no longer feared the glucose test. This was a huge relief.

At 25 weeks, my dream birth team was established, and I started receiving prenatal care from Jennifer Vines. While I was confident and passionate about my home birth decision, I was reserved about publicly displaying my plan. At Lydia’s one-year well visit, I told our pediatrician we would be having a home birth, and her fearful reaction felt overwhelming and burdensome. She was adamant that I bring the baby into the office within 24 hours of delivery, and she made it clear that she was uncomfortable with my decision. After this experience (and choosing a new pediatrician), I guarded my mental health by keeping this decision relatively quiet. I knew I would struggle with various reactions, and I was determined to keep a positive perspective. Fearful commentary would inevitably keep me up at night, and I certainly did not need an added sleep disruption.  

Between 30 and 40 weeks of pregnancy, it got HOT in Tennessee. I do not exaggerate when I say the heat was almost unbearable, but Lydia and I kept moving and sweating with the hope that baby brother would begin to descend and engage. We ventured to nearby parks, picnicked on Belmont University’s lawn, and spent every Tuesday at the Farmer’s Market with friends. The Braxton Hicks contractions were constant when I was in motion, and the ligament tension, back pain, and pubic bone discomfort were increasing weekly. Around 39 weeks, it took us an hour to complete 1.5 miles because the back pain was so overwhelming that I could not walk through contractions. These physical constraints often a made it a struggle to function until bedtime. When Matt got home from work, he would help with Lydia’s routine, and I would take a hot bath to relieve my aches and pains from the day. I did not think my belly could possibly expand further. Hayes was occupying so much space that I had no appetite. I began to survive on popsicles and smoothies. I had to have all things LIME. It was an addiction I chose not to control. When the lime popsicles were gone, we walked to the store to buy more.

During this timeframe, we were so busy moving to a rental house, starting a construction project, battling a roach infestation, and celebrating Lydia’s first birthday that I failed to focus on connecting with Hayes. Lia helped me plan a small blessingway with close friends to honor his unique pregnancy and journey to birth. During this sacred time, I acknowledged and released my fears concerning labor and delivery. We prayed over the birth space, labor process, and birth team. My friends read blessings they had written to encourage me, and I found the reflection time healing, strengthening, and empowering. We ended the night by creating a labor tank top with my friends’ handprints encircling an anchor. April Lussier perfectly illustrates, “Just as a tree grows best when anchored firmly in the Earth, so can a pregnant mother feel strong and capable when supported by a sisterhood of nurturing friends.”

Labor Day:

Yet again, my due date came and went quickly; however, I was not shocked. Every morning, I planned a new activity with friends, and we engaged in story time dates, play dates, park dates and pool dates. I wanted to enjoy every moment I had left with Lydia as my only baby. Chik-Fil-A Appreciation Day was Tuesday July 12th, so Lia, Adair, Lydia and I made an appearance in full cow costumes. The crowds were crazy, but the pictures are priceless. The next morning, I had the brilliant idea to go hike the ridge at Radnor Lake. Deep down, I hoped hiking with a 26-pound toddler on my back might start labor, so I coaxed Lia into going with me. The journey did not last long and we never made it to the ridge because the girls were hot, hungry, and did not want to be restrained in carriers. It was a memorable experience to say the least.

Thursday, I was 40 weeks and 5 days, and my doula, Merrill, checked in to see how I was feeling. After informing her that there was no significant change, I invited her to the Williamson Public Library story time Friday morning so that we could catch up. We planned to meet Lia and Adair at 10:30 AM for story-time and a picnic lunch.

I woke up Friday morning feeling rejuvenated, and we made it to Franklin as planned. I remember feeling tightening during the program, but I was distracted and had no sense of frequency or intensity. Inwardly, I was feeling irritable because Lydia kept diving into my lap when I wanted space. Following the show, we decided to picnic outside by the playground, and I started to notice I was having some aching and cramping low in my pelvis. I tried to ignore the feeling; however, I soon realized the cramping had a defined start and stop. I felt un-phased by these contractions, and I made no mention of the change.

When they kept happening about 6 to 10 minutes apart, and I was starting to wince if I was speaking at the onset of a contraction, Merrill and Lia immediately called my bluff. I preferred to stay in denial, but Merrill started timing my contractions. We decided to wrap up our picnic and I planned to take Lydia to Lia’s house for a nap so that I could lay down to rest. I was starting to concentrate more during contractions; therefore, I felt comfortable driving ten minutes to Cottonwood, but the 35-minute drive back to Nashville seemed daunting.

At 12:10 PM, I alerted Matt that I was contracting. We decided that Lia could drive me back to Nashville once both girls went down for a nap, and he would meet me at home. Luckily, Sean was working from home and he was willing to watch them for the afternoon. I laid on the couch while Lia got both girls in bed, and the contractions continued. We started our journey toward Nashville, but we stopped for strawberry-mango smoothies along the way. I texted Libby at 1:07 PM to let her know I was having contractions, and I wanted her to meet us at the house whenever she was available. We arrived at 1:17 PM and Matt was already there with music playing and a hot bath ready. I clearly remember when I walked into our house, Matt greeted me with a huge hug and a smile. I immediately felt at peace.

At this point, I was not comfortable calling this active labor so I decided to relax in the bathtub to see if the contractions would continue. When I used the bathroom before my bath, I discovered I was losing my mucous plug. This finding left me excited as it signified that some cervical change was happening. We lit candles and played the “I am They” album as I relaxed in the tub. Matt, Libby, and Lia took turns hanging out with me and timing my contractions. I sang.. I breathed through contractions.. I prayed.. I happily ate skittles and sour patch.. I laughed.. I loved every minute of the rest and relaxation with contractions about 45 seconds long and 5 minutes apart. I was easily breathing through them while spending time with my friends.

Lia was keeping Merrill and Jennifer updated, and I assured them that the contractions were not bad and this was just early labor. Jennifer said she was going to come check on me before rush hour started and I laughed. I was happy for her to come hang out, but I figured she would be heading back home after she confirmed that my body was just warming up.

At 2:45 PM, Lia and Libby prepped our bed and I got out of the tub to relax on my birth ball. I found my happy place on top of my bed draped over my ball. Matt was massaging my back and giving counter pressure during contractions. I continued to feel calm and confident as I could sink into the ball to relax through contractions. The house started to smell amazing as Lia and Libby baked Hayes’ birthday cake. I was relishing this moment of glory where time seemed to stand still and I could feel the overflowing love filling my home.

By 3:00 PM the contractions had lengthened to a minute long and were 3-5 minutes apart. I was starting to work harder and breathe more deeply, but the rest in between felt rejuvenating. I remember feeling like I was handling this labor pattern with ease. It was a breath of fresh air to the constant back pain I endured throughout my labor with Lydia. Matt. Lia, and Libby were taking turns providing counter pressure during contractions. I was enjoying silly videos of Adair and Lydia and appreciating the conversation with some of my favorite people. At 3:49 PM I received a text from my Dad that said “what you waiting for.” As I only receive about 3 texts from my Dad a year, it made me laugh. I was just starting to believe that maybe these contractions would bring a baby. But we had not alerted our families because we assumed this was just the beginning of a long night.

Jennifer and Carissa arrived minutes later and I was excited to see their smiling faces. They decided to go ahead and set up their equipment in the dining room and then assess my progress. At 4:21, Jennifer listened for heart tones, checked my blood pressure and attempted a cervical check. Because my cervix was so posterior and high, she gently informed me that she could not make an accurate assessment, and she was not going to be forceful because it would produce unnecessary pain. She truthfully told me I was less than 5 cm. I had no real expectations at this point because the contractions were so bearable. Matt and I decided to let our family know I was in early labor, and we expected it to be awhile. He called our parents and texted our support team to keep everyone updated.

I was really comfortable on the bed, but around 4:45 PM, Lia suggested we go for a walk to get things moving along. Moving from the bed to a standing position caused a major shift in intensity. My bearable contractions were suddenly excruciating and coming quickly. I got dressed for our walk, but I could only take a few steps before another intense contraction would start. It took me 25 minutes to make it from my bed to the front door (a short distance) because I kept stopping to work through multiple, long contractions. This was getting intense and it shocked me. I could no longer relax through the contractions and I was not getting a break in between to refocus. My hips felt like they were ripping apart, but I was struggling to communicate the support I needed. All I could say was, “It won’t go away.”

When I made it to the front door, sweet Dee Dee was there to pick up our crazy vizsla and some things for Lydia to stay overnight. I could hardly manage to greet her in between contractions, but she encouraged me and told me not to worry about Lydia. She assured me she would love on her all night, and it made my heart smile in the midst of my struggle. I could feel the heat coming through the front door, and I was highly reconsidering this walk. But, at this point I felt committed. I was silently having a mental battle because if I was truly less than 5 cm, I was using far too much energy to work through contractions. Internally, I knew I needed to pull myself together and relax to make progress.

I struggled to regain my composure, but finally at 5:15 PM Matt, Lia and I managed to walk across the street before I completely broke down crying. “I don’t want to do this anymore! They won’t stop, and it hurts so bad!” I was overwhelmed and my raw emotions were spilling out of my mouth before I could contain them. Logically, I knew that self-doubt was a common sign of transition, but I did not believe it was possible I had progressed that quickly. I don’t think Matt or Lia knew how to respond considering that 45 minutes ago we assumed I was in early labor. This was unexpected behavior. When Matt looked at his phone and laughed quietly, I proceeded to lash out at him because I expected his full attention. This behavior was also out of character. It felt like an out of body experience because I could see myself acting in ways I would not imagine, yet I could not control it. I was trying to communicate to Matt that I needed to hang on him during contractions because I was struggling to stand through them, and felt like my pubic bone was breaking. I think the anger was an ineffective communication tool, but thankfully he gave me grace. Moments later, I was vomiting and then apologizing for my unsolicited irritability. With their encouragement, I proceeded to re-center myself. We made it to the first stop sign and I surrendered. That’s as far as I could push myself, and I knew we had to try something else. As we headed home, I remember seeing Libby, Jennifer, and Carissa on the front porch and it gave me great comfort. I was never scared. I just could not logically understand this bizarre labor.  

When we made it back home, Jennifer said she would check me again to see if I had made enough progress to get in the tub. At 5:47 PM my cervix was 5-6 cm dilated and 90% effaced. I was excited by the progression, but the intensity remained overwhelming. I slowly made my way back to the dining room so I could get in the tub for relief. Lia had alerted Merrill on my progression sometime during our walk and she arrived at 6:00 PM. I was happy to see her as I swayed by the tub waiting for it to be the right temperature to get in. At 6:13 PM, my water broke as I was standing by the tub. I felt a POP and then baby’s head DROPPED. “Ouch!” was all I could manage to say, but I felt very in tune to what was happening inside my body.

When Jennifer told me I could, I jumped in the tub as fast as possible. With my water broken and the head engagement I felt, I knew contractions would intensify greatly. I had two contractions in the water and the urge to push suddenly overwhelmed me. At 6:16 PM Jennifer checked to see if I was complete, but I was only 8 cm. Within the next few contractions, I completely lost control. The urge to push was impossible to ignore. In fact, my body was instinctively pushing. Jennifer instructed me to blow through the contractions because it was very dangerous to push before I was completely dilated. I started freaking out, “I can’t do this…I don’t know what to do..I can’t relax…I can’t breathe..HELP me, PLEASE!” The comments go on. I needed all hands on deck because I had completely lost my coping abilities. Merrill kept reminding me I just needed to get through this one contraction, but I just kept yelling “help me” in her face. To say I was thankful for her presence is an understatement. All my body wanted to do was push. After two more contractions, I was screaming for Jennifer to check me again to see if I was complete. I was 9 cm and spontaneously trying to push. Jennifer quickly grabbed my attention. “Look at me..You are pushing…You can’t push yet.” I started crying. The pressure I was feeling was ungodly. I was squeezing Merrill’s hands as hard as I could, and in between contractions I begged Jennifer to see if I was complete. At this point, I feared every contraction. I had no ability to work through them. All I wanted to do was push this baby out. After what felt like an eternity, I was complete at 6:34 PM.

I regained control but all I could think was, “Get this baby out of me NOW!” So, I instinctively got into an upright squatting position that felt comfortable and pushed as hard as I possibly could with the next contraction. Everyone was cheering for me and I was determined to make this quick. I could easily feel the progress I was making with each push. When I was trying to push him under the pubic bone, the pain was excruciating but I knew it was almost over. After this contraction, I could feel him slide back inside, and I knew I had to push HARD. After about 3 contractions, I was sure he was close, and I asked Jennifer to help me get his head out. His broad shoulders and long body followed, and he was delivered completely OP at 6:43 PM. Matt got to catch him and pull him out of the water. At first he appeared stunned, but he soon let out one large screech to let us know he was ok. I sat down carefully and Matt placed Hayes on my chest. The relief was instant as I pulled him close, and I was completely overwhelmed with emotion as I looked up at my husband and my dream birth team surrounding the tub. I had tears streaming. They all had tears in their eyes. It was such a powerful moment.

A couple minutes later, I felt another contraction and Carissa said there was cord lengthening. So, they quickly helped me out of the tub intending to assess my bleeding and deliver the placenta on my bed. Jennifer was holding Hayes (still connected to his cord) and I followed close behind. Suddenly, there was a stream of blood and Jennifer caught my huge placenta in her bowl (amazing). I wish we had a picture or video of this scene. It surely made for a good laugh.

Matt took Hayes for some skin to skin bonding while Jennifer assessed my bleeding. I was truly amazed when she told me I had no tears. I showered almost immediately and got comfortable in my own bed. Hayes latched to breast-feed and has been eating like a champion ever since. We all enjoyed pizza and guessed Hayes’ birth stats.

9 lbs 8.5 oz and 21.5 inches of pure love. Matt and I were shocked!

The intensity of such a fast labor with a large baby is hard to put into words. However, the experience was stretching and powerful. This was a new level of surrender I had never experienced. It was life-giving. And, the second time around…it was still hard. I will forever remember the joy I saw in Matt’s face as he was genuinely excited that this experience was so positive. It birthed in me a new passion for empowering mothers..a passion so strong that I would soon make a huge career change.

The Birth of Ezra Patrick

On March 16th at 3:30 AM a light contraction woke me. I was three days past my due date. I knew I was supposed to go back to sleep and ignore it, just like I had mentally prepared to do for past 8 months. I could not. I woke up and started to time my contractions. I even thought about waking my sleeping fiancé, but I decided it would be best to save his energy for when we would actually needed it. Contractions were 10-15 minutes apart and stayed that way for the next 8 hours until my appointment with my midwife, Jennifer Vines.

Jennifer reassured me that everything was going according to plan and we should have a baby in the next few days if this keeps up. I went home and finally slept. I woke up closer to the sun going down to find my contractions had picked up to roughly 5-7 minutes apart and were requiring much more of my focus to breathe through. This is also a good time to point out my body has always had a very strong connection to the lunar cycle. My sleep has always been greatly affected by the moon, and oddly enough my mother is the same way. It also seems the lunar cycle had a large role in my labor. My labor was always much more intense at night. I finally was able to find a position I could sleep in, and when I woke up around four in the morning I found my contractions had gone back to being 10-15 minutes apart. It was tired, sore, and felt like I had been putting in a lot of work for no progress.

This pattern of very active labor during the night, followed by significantly slower labor during the day would continue over a total of 119 hours.

Over the next five days my birth team, Jennifer Vines, Carissa Gay and Merrill Durham came to the house to check on me, or would stay in touch via text. I was so lucky that my team with Vines Midwifery all lived so close to our house in East Nashville. Jennifer left it completely up to me if I wanted them to stay at the house or give us our alone time. Labor was intense, but for me personally, I did better when I wasn’t being watched. I knew that nobody could do this work for me, so I had them do most of their check ups over the phone. Jennifer came over on Wednesday to check in, and while she was at the house I requested to be checked vaginally. I was four centimeters dilated. Slowly but surely, we were making progress.

On Thursday we thought my water might have broken. Jennifer came by on Friday to check on me. If my water had broken on Thursday, it would put me over the limit of 24 hours, and I would have to go to a hospital due to risk for infection. After reassuring me that my water bag was very much intact and bulging, she informed us that I was 7 centimeters dilated. She then had me do several positions that would give the baby more room to shift around and get into the correct position. This brought much needed relief from my hours and hours of back labor. Jennifer gave me a tincture for stalled labor and told me to call her if anything changed. Also, more importantly; get some sleep.

There was zero sleep that came that night. Contractions washed over me 4-5 minutes apart for hours. Ryan was getting used to my wailing at this point. He was out in the living room at 12:30 when I screamed from the bathroom. My water had without a doubt broken. Ryan and I sat pretty dumbfounded in the bathroom for a moment before I had him bring me my phone to text Jennifer. I told her that my water had broken and asked what next. Jennifer told me to let her know when my contractions picked up again. With all of the excitement of my water breaking, I had almost forgotten about my contractions. I climbed back in bed with Ryan by my side, when I immediately remembered my contractions. They came hard and fast. I cried for Ryan to text Jennifer back and tell her to send Merrill my Doula for support. Ryan was just about to lay down when my water broke, so I thought I would let him rest and have Merrill with me.

Before Ryan had hit send, I felt an overwhelming intense NEED to push. The next few moments seemed like a blur. All I could tell Ryan was that I needed Jennifer immediately. Hindsight allows me to see that Ryan was texting Jennifer how urgent the situation had become, and he was also preparing to deliver our baby. Thankfully, we had already gotten our bed ready for the birth. This was not how I envisioned things going. I now know that nothing about a birth can be planned. Ever. No birth pool in the dining room, no yoga music playlist and no anthropology candles.

A short ten minutes later, Jennifer walked into my bedroom (like I said…I was unbelievably lucky Jennifer lived so close to me, and grateful that she doesn’t mind speeding). I have never been happier to see any person in my entire life. Jennifer checked me immediately. We find out what I think we all already knew; I was about to have this baby. Jennifer said “If you feel like pushing, go for it. Take all the noise you are making and all your energy and bear down.” It was simple,  and it connected well with me. Also, it was damn effective.

2:15 AM Ezra Patrick Alger was born after twenty five minutes of pushing. I was lucky that I didn’t tear. I labored in our dark bedroom. During that twenty five minutes Merrill and Carissa arrived and joined us after setting up their equipment. Carissa took the amazing photos that are attached. This team of women will undoubtingly have a lasting place in my heart for being there for us at such a special time.

Jennifer helped Ezra with his first latch, and he took to breastfeeding like a champ(side note: We ran into some  issues in the first few weeks, and we contacted a lactation consultant. With a lot of patience and practice, we were able to overcome the early hardships of breastfeeding). A few hours had passed since the birth, the team made sure we were comfortable and packed up all of their things to leave. That night/morning, Ryan, Ezra and I slept in our bedroom as a family of three.

The Birth of Easton Briggs

I feel like I had the perfect textbook pregnancy, labor and birth and I am so thankful for that. It all started on July 14 when I found out we were pregnant. I could not be more excited but nervous at the same time. I immediately changed how I ate and exercised. I knew everything I did had an affect on the baby.

We announced in September and was surrounded by love and excitement with family and friends!

I started going to prenatal yoga 2-3 times a week and focused on pelvic floor exercises. It was so relaxing and helped me get my mind set on track. “I can do anything for 2 minutes” is what I told myself during ” keep up exercises.” Theses really came in handy during labor.

Now to the decision of a home birth. I knew I wanted natural but a home birth really didn’t come to my mind till later. I also knew I did not want to deliver in a hospital! Justin and I checked out a few birthing centers but it just didn’t feel right! At this time I was working with a group of amazing midwives but the problem was they only delivered in the hospital so my search continued. Maybe a home birth is something I can do! At this point I was in my third trimester and knew time was moving fast.  I talked with many friends that had experienced home births and started interviewing midwives! The emergency department nurse in me wanted a provider that still knew what to do in emergent situations while maintaining calm. I finally found one after weeks of searching and was thankful that Jennifer Vines of Vines Midwifery took me as a patient in my third trimester!

During pregnancy I went to the chiropractor, prenatal massages every two weeks in third trimester and floated! Floating, it’s a sensory deprivation float tank and for pregnant woman, being able to float in Epsom salt on your stomach is heaven! I walked at least 3 days a week and worked a few 12 shifts a month all the way till 38 weeks. My diet was pretty healthy besides a few cheat days for frozen yogurt! I am vegetarian and really try to limit dairy and soy. I did increase my eggs for protein. All organic produce! I really didn’t have cravings. If I can think of one thing it was oranges!

Fast toward to May 19th… I was one day away from my due date and we were just now getting the pool together and the house clean. I had always heard that babies are not born on their due date! Midnight hit…March 20th!

I was woken up about 1am to pressure, lots of pressure so went the restroom and my mucous plug fell out. It was a perfect plug just sitting in the toilet. I had texted my midwife a picture, she asked questions and told me to go back to bed. I had read that some plugs come out weeks before so back to bed I went! An hour later I was woken up again to menstural type cramps! They were strong but not consistent. I think they call this early labor, I kept telling myself. Luckily I was able to handle them and got a few hours of sleep. Come 12pm the next day they same feeling was occurring so my midwife came to check me. I was only dilated 1 cm. 1 CM!!! “This is going to suck,” I told myself. I really thought I was a 5 or so just because these early labor contractions had been occurring now for 11 hours! I was cleaning and trying to stay busy and was able to sway my hips and let out a deep voice moan when the contractions would hit. I did this for the next 7 hours! Around 7pm the night of March 20th something changed! The contractions were stronger but still just felt like bad menstrual cramps. Laying in my own bath tub I was imagining my baby boy being here. Telling myself, “you can do this Laura” “Your body is made to do this.” I was reading birthing quotes that my dearest friends had wrote on pieces of wood for me a few days before! 9 pm came and I needed help! I was not able to get comfortable so my midwife sent my doula. I waited all day because I like to do as much as I can myself and mentally prepare. I think that’s the introvert in me. One of my amazing doulas named Sandee came around 9pm. I still remember her telling me, “your contractions need to get longer and stronger.” I was mentally prepared for this! I need to get into active labor!

10pm my midwife came and checked me right away. “You are at 8cm and have a bulging bag of water and his head is there!” “Am I in active labor?” I asked. “Yes” she replied! We called my sister and photographer real fast!! I was soo proud of myself at this point! I was relaxed and I got myself to an 8! My birthing crew hustled to get my birthing pool filled with water and other supplies they needed because my baby was coming fast!

I began laboring in the water for about 45 minutes when my midwife broke my water! I asked, “Does this mean its going to get worse?” I was swinging my hips in the warm water to Coldplay. That music pushed me! The room was filled with love and music. At one point the music had stopped and I looked at Justin as if the music was making my dilate to a 10! “Turn it back on,” I yelled!

At 1:30am on March 21st, his due date….something changed! I felt my contractions get different, Its hard to describe how they were different, but they were! “You are a 10 and you can start pushing,” my midwife said! Now that was a challenge! My body was tired and I kept thinking, how am I going to take care of this baby when I am so tired? Your body naturally pushes so trying to sync that with my pushing was tiring.

After about 30 minutes of pushing in my birth pool, I needed a change! I could tell that his head was not over my pelvic bone and into the vaginal canal yet. I walked and sat on my toilet and pushed 3 times there and felt my baby come in to the vaginal canal. As I attempted to walk back to my birthing pool to deliver I had to pause to breathe through a contraction. I was pushing so hard, I felt like I might pass out and just needed to lay down. I went down on my bed, laying on my side and pushed one more time and my baby was born! He was born on his due date on my bed!!

All the pressure and pain I had felt was completely gone. A healthy, 8 lb 1 oz baby was born, crying and ready to nurse. He latched right now for his first meal!

A few hours after loving on him, pictures, showers and eating we went to bed and had the best sleep!

The Birth of Heidi

After weeks of ice storms, Heidi came quietly first thing Monday morning. Like her 19 month old sister, she was 3 days early, and the stages of labor lasted almost exactly the same amounts of time -- passive, active and pushing -- except this time not in a hospital.

I suspected I began labor around 10pm Sunday evening. The most significant part was that all the stories I read of peaceful, nearly pain free births that seemed impossible became real as I somehow "released" the contractions under my breath. I'm not kidding, I just gestured and breathed the pain away and it worked. Naturally loud and talkative, I completely transformed and carefully made my way through the labor, coaching and encouraging baby down while I imagined my interior anatomy as accurately as I could and visualized her path. Everyone was surprised I had sighed my way through the dreaded Transition, apparently not leaving enough time to fill the tub for a water birth. My fear of stitches was quelled because I hesitated like crazy with each push and managed to stretch appropriately.

For a brief moment, I panicked when I heard "tight nuchal cord", but out she slipped without an issue. To my surprise, delivering the placenta hurt far worse than the rest and I reluctantly passed her over to my partner. I had enough time to have some coffee and breakfast, a hot and amazing shower before my toddler woke up and got to meet her new sister. I still replay it over and over with pride and amazement.

The Birth of Bram

My pregnancy started out in Nebraska where we have lived for the past 8 years. Unfortunately in Nebraska it is still illegal for midwives to attend home births. For our first child we ended up driving 3 1/2 hours in to Denver CO to Mountain Midwifery, a free standing birthing center. So when we found out about baby #2, we really didn't see any other option but to go to Mountain Midwifery once again. Access to open minded pediatricians etc were 3 to 6 hours away from where we were in rural southwest Nebraska. So after some financial/job struggles we decided it would be best for us all if we headed home to Tennessee where both of our families still reside. Here we could have a home birth, my sister in law who is a midwife assistant and doula could attend the birth, and we could finally be among family after 8 years. I transferred my care to Vines Midwifery at 32 weeks. What a change from even seeing the midwives at the birthing center. I felt a connection with Jennifer right away. Jennifer radiates confidence, experience, and automatically put me at ease giving me confidence as well. I am convinced that midwives must emit incredible energy of something really special. There is simply a glow about them. Witnessing and being apart of miracles on a regular basis is a very very special calling. Anyway, I never felt rushed at appointments, and I appreciate the calm, comfortable atmosphere of her tiny office! My due date came and went. After much walking, jogging, dancing, spicy foods, you name it, I was back in Jennifer's office for my 41 week appointment. I had decided that I was going to let her check my cervix for signs of progress, and perhaps sweep the membranes if she recommended. It turned out that the cervix was posterior so sweeping the cervix would not really help things at all at this point. She said it may be another week; but also said she could be totally wrong and the baby will come any time. I was so mad that day! I was SO ready for baby (I didn't know if it was a boy or girl). and I was SO done being pregnant! My sister-in-law Mary(assistant and doula) who came with me to the appointment, suggested that we go to the mall with the kids and just walk around. By this point I was so anxious to get out of the house and keep my mind off things so I was all about it. We walked around the mall for a good 4 hours . I'm pretty sure I felt some different things happening to my body during this outing. That night was terrible. My 4 year old son Patrick did not take a nap and was absolutely off the wall and impossible to get to bed. My husband was exhausted from working all day. I was in the WORST mood ever. I'd never felt so impatient, frustrated, anxious, and just MAD! I was so ready to go into labor. I was so anxious about how it wall all going to go down. What was my story going to be? About 10:30 that night, I just had finally laid down when I felt a gush of water. I stood up and it went all over the floor. I called Mary and told her and she headed right over to stay the night. I then called Jennifer to let her know and she told me to let her know when regular contractions start. I used this time of excitement and relief to get the bed made for labor and do some last minute cleaning. Then I went back to bed. I was determined to go in to this labor rested, hydrated and a full stomach. I made that mistake the first time around. With my first child, my water broke at night in a very similar fashioncontractions started within a couple of hours so I did not rest. This time around I made sure I drank a ton, ate snacks and went to bed. Luckily contractions did not start up until around 5:30am. And I did manage to get about 3 hours of sleep. Mild regular contractions started around 5:30am. They were totally manageable. I used this time to do some more last minute cleaning. More drinking. And ate a lovely breakfast that my dear husband prepared for me. at 9:30am contractions started to intensify. Michael (husband) and Mary set up the tub. A good thing they started at this time because the hot water tank need to replenish at least twice before there was a sufficient amount of water. By 11:00 am or so the contractions were going about 1 minute apart. My mom felt the need to rush to the house. I knew it would be many more hours. My mom arrived thinking the baby was going to be born any second! I was probably still in early labor at this point. I mostly labored bending over the side of my bed with my face in a pillow. I tried getting on my hands and knees and a few other positions but this position felt the most comfortable. I focused on my breathing and tried to keep the tension out of my body. That was the key!!! Being aware of my tension. And seriously focusing on keeping my body relaxed and breathing through the contractions. My mind and body totally did not get this the first time around. Another thing that I think was so effective was to focus on "opening" and visualizing this. There were a couple of contractions were I physically felt my body had progressed. Mary offered to help me get in the tub a couple of times but I wanted to wait just in case it slowed things down. I also didn't want to spend so much time wet if I needed to get back out. I did finally get in the tub, perhaps about an hour later. it felt AMAZING! the water was perfect and took the pain of the contractions down perhaps by half. I had Mary plug in my electric fan so that it blew in my face as I was in the tub. It was perfect. It turned out that the contractions did not slow down in the water; they for sure held, and perhaps intensified. I even managed to eat some crackers and cheese in the tub! I was so happy I was able to eat and drink. For one, I would never have been able to do that in a hospital, and 2, I wasn't able to eat and drink during Patrick's labor because I was so very nauseous. I ended up having to get an IV because I was dehydrated and exhausted with such long a labor and no nourishment. I was very intent on progressing and knew that gravity would most likely speed things up. Getting hot in the tub anyway, I decided to get out. I labored standing beside the bed with my head in the pillow again for a while. I did do some squats kind of hanging on to the bed rails at some point. I think this really helped as well with visualizing "open" and probably helped literately too. It was a good position that felt very natural to do at the time. I was just following my body's lead. My brain and body seemed to be working very well in harmony. Unlike my first labor, I was not fighting through it. I was trying to embrace it and see the contractions as one step closer to holding that tiny baby. I was determined and not afraid. I knew there was no turning back. There was no back-up plan. There was no pain relief. I was going to do this and I was going to do it well. No matter what. While I was in the tub for the first time, Jennifer arrives. Jennifer asks me if I can still talk through the contractions. That was a big fat NO! When I got out of the tub, she checked my blood pressure. By now most of my family had arrived and were hanging out downstairs. My mom had decided to stick with me through the entire labor. I warned her that it would not be easy for her to see me in so much pain. But she insisted. She had witnessed her other grandchildren being born (in a hospital with meds) and did not want to miss this one. Jennifer and Mary were concerned when I told them that my mom may be present for some of the birth. They were worried it might be a hindrance. But I was so in "labor land" and in the zone that a parade of marching bands could have come through the room and I would not have cared! I'm glad she got to be there and all was well as far as I was concerned. I did not stay out of the tub long. Outside the tub, and the contractions continued to intensify, gravity seemed to much to bear. Apparently if your water has already broken, standing or walking is a bit harder to bare. I certainly noticed this after being in the water. OH if I only I had this knowledge with my first labor!! I walked and walked. They would not let me get in the water, as they were afraid it would slow things down! Thank God for Jennifer and her own expertise. With my previous labor, I labored with regular contractions for over 24 hours. I thought my care at the birthing center was excellent. But there is quite a difference between birthing center care, and home birth care. Home birth care is so much more personalized and much more freedom. I do also realize that this is the second birth and I am much more knowledgeable from my previous experience. Jennifer checked my dilation in the tub. I was really quite nervous to know my progress. I was SO afraid she was going to say that I was on 2 or 3 cm. But she told me I was about 7 1/2 ! That means I was getting close! Very motivational. I screamed in releif! Then I started doing some strange things in the tub! I even knew it was crazy as I was "in the zone" but I really didn't care. I found myself having to keep moving between contractions. I literally swam around the tub like a mermaid. I totally submerged myself with the exception of my face. Not sure why this felt like the thing to do but it did. The contractions were the most intense at this point and were coming very close together. My eyes were closed the entire time. Very rarely did I open them. I was in my own world.My eyes had really been mostly closed for about 6 hours or so. Around 4:00pm or so, I started feeling the need to push. I experimented with some light pushes to see how I felt. Jennifer had Mary check me to make sure I was ok to push. I heard her say that there was still a little bit of a cervical lip when she had checked me before. After getting a go ahead, I just did what felt natural. I started pushing and pushing into my bottom. What a relief!! It felt so much better to push that the pain of the contractions! I continued to push when it felt like the right time. I pushed around 30 minutes. out of the corners of my barely peeked eyes, I saw Mary and Jennifer getting on plastic with bands their arms ready to catch the baby. I was so encouraged and knew it was going to be any minute. I felt the baby moving down and crowning. I felt the burn of the "ring of fire", but it really was not bad at all. I had some very intense pushes that involved some pretty loud screams. I remember hearing my mom tell me that I was ok. At some point Michael was brought upstairs. And I heard him telling me to breathe through the pushes. This I could not figure out how to do. But whatever my body did figure out, it worked. A few minutes later the baby was born and put on my chest!! The biggest relief and joy of my life. All the words in the world could never describe these few minutes. I had done it. I had ran my marathon. Again. This time with both feet. And I had ran it well. I was then aware for the first time in many hours, my surroundings. I saw everyone's faces. I saw light, I saw the room. I came out of my world, perhaps just like the baby. The sound of the baby's cry. My mom anxiously wanting to know if it's a boy or a girl. I didn't care for that few minutes. I had done it!! And all was well. After a few minutes I looked, and it was a boy! He was perfect. Patrick helped cut the chord. The placenta was delivered with no problems. Mary then helped me out of the tub and in to the bed. I remember being very hungry and Mary bringing me food right away. Food never tasted so good. After a while in the bed with the baby, I took a glorious, wonderful, awesome shower. Jennifer did the newborn exam, all was well. All my family that was waiting downstairs was now near by, holding and adoring the new baby. It was so great to have them there. After the experience of my second birth I learned some very important things. I trusted my body and it worked. The body really does know what it is doing. There is no need to try to "control" anything. Let go of everything and just go along for the ride. Forget what other people in the room might be thinking or feeling. Focus on the goal. I embraced the pain and thought of each contraction as progress instead of tensing my body and trying to fight through the pain. I was so thankful that Jennifer and Mary were so "hands off" They trusted me. They knew the power of a woman's mind and body. Believing is the key.

The Birth of Atlas Renn

As soon as we discovered we were expecting our first child, we started searching for a midwife for a home water birth. We found Vines Midwifery and met with Jennifer to ask questions and see if this was the right option for us. Immediately I fell in love with her sweet personality and knowledge of midwifery. We spent the next nine months planning and preparing for the arrival of our daughter. Every appointment Jennifer would answer our questions and encourage us in this unknown journey. She empowered me was by taking away the FEAR of birth by giving us knowledge. We were prepared to have a home birth, as well as prepared with a back up plan in case of an emergency. On Friday, September 19, a day after my original due date I met with Jennifer as we checked my cervix to see if I was dilated. I was at a zero, with very little sign of activity. I went home that evening and woke up at 2 am with some light contractions. They progressed during the day, but being a first time mom, I didn’t think they were “real” contractions. By seven o’clock that evening I realized that I was probably indeed in labor and reached out to Jennifer to let her know what was going on. Jennifer is so calming and reassuring. She encouraged me and gave me information so that I was prepared for what was about to take place. Over the course of the next few hours my contractions increased and we started to prepare mentally, and prepare our home to welcome our first daughter. After about 48 hours of hard back contractions we decided to give Jennifer a call. I wasn’t sure what was happening but my body was getting very worn down and I needed her to come assess the situation. When she arrived she checked me, took my vitals and spoke with my husband to get a read on what had been happening before she got there. This was about 2am on Monday, September 22. After taking my blood pressure she spoke with us and calmly suggested we head for the hospital, which was our back up plan. I was upset because this wasn’t what I had wanted, but Jennifer answered all of our questions and helped me realize that in the end being in the hospital for this birth was going to give us the best chance at having a healthy baby and mother. She feared I had developed pre eclampsia in the process of labor. When we arrived at the hospital Jennifer never left our side and instead teamed with the hospital staff to facilitate our desires. She was correct in her assessment. I had developed extremely high blood pressure and they checked me into a room. While monitoring me and hooking me up to magnesium, the hospital staff suddenly panicked as they lost the baby’s heartbeat. They rushed me into the ER to conduct an emergency c-section. As you can imagine I was exhausted, confused, and scared. While in the operating room, as they were preparing to put me under, they found a faint heartbeat the machine in my room had not picked up. The surgery was no longer necessary and they allowed me to continue to labor with the hope that I would be able to have a vaginal delivery like I wanted and had planned for all of these months. After another long day of laboring, and no more progression, they informed me I would indeed be having a c-section. The entire time Jennifer helped me to understand my options, she stayed with my family, and she made me feel very comfortable in an environment that was not at all what I had planned for. She also helped to voice my desires and be an advocate for me when I wasn’t able to do that for myself. September 22, 2014 at 10:11 pm, after almost 72 hours of labor, my daughter Atlas Renn was born via c-section at Vanderbilt University. The joy of seeing my precious baby after such a tumultuous few days was worth it. In the end even though my birth was not at home unassisted like I planned, she was in my arms and that’s what mattered. Jennifer and her staff celebrated with us and didn’t leave until we felt comfortable enough for her to do so. She returned the next day to offer support, advice, and brought the hospital staff goodies as a thank you for their dedication and service. I had spent months meeting with Jennifer and her team, preparing our birth plan, talking through our options, listening to the heartbeat, stomping out fear and doubt, and encouraging me that this is what I was created to do. And she was right. Even though my labor did not look like what I thought it would, it didn’t diminish the fact that I WAS A WARRIOR. I labored and I fought to bring a beautiful baby into this world. I am so thankful for the wisdom and discernment Jennifer exhibited to get me the care I needed. She feels like a part of our little family. We love her dearly and her love for her job seeps into every aspect of her care for her clients. Thank you Jennifer for your dedication to your clients and for helping to empower women during this special time in our lives.

The Birth of Alora Anne

I was 42 weeks pregnant and my wonderful midwife, Jennifer Vines was coming to sweep my membrane July 15, 2014 at 10AM. I was upset, I did not want any intervention during my pregnancy. I believed Alora was coming soon! So did Jennifer! 12:30AM is when I had my first contraction, it was hard and intense. 30 seconds later I had another, and another, and another. Until I found myself hovering the floor vent on my hands and knees and calling Jennifer telling her something is happening, and fast!! Jennifer sends Mary over whom I got to know and love throughout my pregnancy. It was a little after 130AM. I wanted to be in water, I knew it would relieve some pressure. We tried the bath, but every contraction I had was making it impossible to get comfortable. Keep in mind, my contractions are still coming one after another. Jennifer and Carissa get to my house (I think) somewhere around 2AM to find me holding on to Mary for dear life in my hot tub (that I turned into a whirlpool) on the back porch (my shecave). I remember at one point Jennifer telling me, "Carley, I need you to get out of the there, you can't have the baby in there, I didn't bring any extra clothes!” Hahaha finally I found 10 seconds of breathing time to get out of the whirlpool and waddle then fall into the birth pool. In the meantime my mucus plug had fallen out, not long until it was time to push. From what I recall I pushed, squatting in the pool for 2 hours until she started to crown. And after watching hours of birth videos, I'll admit that when that happened I yelled, "F*****g ring of fiiire!" � after Alora's head was out, I remember being somewhat limp and breathed the rest of her out. Once she was here, i can't possibly find the words to describe the feeling of warmth and the sense of accomplishment. I delivered the placenta within the hour. Once I regained some of the strength in my legs Carissa helped me to the bathroom. I peed then took a quick shower. After I was cleaned up, I was in the bedroom lying spread eagle on the bed where Alora latched for the first time and Jennifer checked my vagina. Jennifer then came back multiple times to check on us both over the next several weeks. I had a great experience with my home birth. I look forward to my next birth.

The Birth of Charlee

After 2 weeks of on and off contractions, they finally started to pick up and not slow down like they had been doing. On Saturday afternoon, I called my mom to drive down from Kentucky because our little girl was on her way! I was very excited when the contractions started to become more consistent and I had NO idea that the next 20 hours would be the hardest, most intense 20 hours of my life. When the contractions increasingly became more intense to the point that I didn't want to walk or talk, I got in my bathtub. The warm water was soothing, but the contractions kept coming stronger and stronger. I attempted to relax and breath through them the best I could. At this point I was in denial that this was "real labor". I kept telling myself that they would stop like they had been doing for the past couple of weeks. I did NOT want to call Jennifer and her team and have it be a false alarm... again. At around midnight (I was unaware of time but I'm assuming it was around this time), my mom called my birth team against my wishes and they headed on over. I'm glad they did because when they got there I was 4cm! I was so excited that our baby girl was finally going to come that day. I labored hard all through the night! My sweet husband was told to go get some sleep and my midwife assistants stayed with me. I am so incredibly grateful for them. They were so calming and encouraging and dealt with my consistent birth noises and my whining too. There were several points throughout this time that I just wanted to give up! If someone had offered me a way out of this *extremely intense pain that wasn't stopping... I would have taken it without hesitation! (This is one of the many reasons that I'm glad I birthed at home... Because I got the natural birth I wanted because I didn't really have a choice in the moment). When the sun finally came up, I was positive that the end had to be near. I asked to be checked again and I was only 6cm.I had labored all night and only progressed 2cm!! I was so frustrated, heartbroken, and tired that I threw a temper tantrum like a 2 year old. It was then that Jennifer began to set up the birth pool for me. That gave me a sliver of hope so I pressed on. Around 10am and I had reached 9 cm. I was entering transition and felt that strange sensation to push. However, my water had yet to break and my cervix had a lip that just couldn't make it around my daughter's head. For the next three very long, miserable hours, I labored through the most intense contractions I had felt yet. I was so exhausted by this point that I literally fell asleep between contractions. I was full on dreaming for the 1 minute rests between them. My sweet husband was by my side the entire time. He would walk with me when I needed it. Poor water on my back and massage it when I was in the pool. We tried everything to get that lip to slip over her head... Including walking up and down stairs! We finally decided to break my water and within a couple more contractions, my daughter's head dropped and I was ready to push! When Jennifer told me this, I literally giggled with joy that it was almost over and I was gonna hold my sweet girl soon. At this point I was over it, so when I felt the urge to push... I PUSHED!!! Jennifer and her assistants were so reassuring and helpful during this intense time. In only 8 minutes, my Charlee was born and in my arms with no tearing! She weighed 7lbs 5oz and was 19.5 inches long. After the cord had stopped pulsating, my husband cut it and we made our way to the bed to deliver the placenta. It came out easily and my husband and I were cuddling our sweet baby girl. Everything was fine and dandy until all of the sudden I started hemorrhaging. I didn't realize what was going on because it all happened so quickly. Jennifer stayed very calm, yet I could tell in her eyes that she was worried. She gave me a shot of pitocin in my leg and massaged my uterus. Then she gave me some other medicine but the bleeding continued. I received another shot of pitocin. She told my husband to take the baby and told her assistants to call the ambulance. It was then that I knew something was wrong. Jennifer worked tirelessly to get the bleeding to stop while her assistants prepared for my transport and met the paramedics downstairs. I didn't realize until later how serious my condition was. I never thought that things would end in the worst case scenario, which is good because it helped me to remain calm. When the paramedics arrived, I had already stopped hemorrhaging and was nursing Charlee. They checked my vitals and I was stable. So I chose to stay home. I am forever grateful to Jennifer and her team for saving my life and keeping me calm. We now have a very happy and healthy baby girl and I feel back to my normal self after a few short weeks of recovery. If we ever have another baby, it will definitely be delivered at home!

The Birth of Nora Sophia

Nora Sophia was born on March 21st at 5:35 a.m. with the help of Jennifer and her awesome team! I stated labor at around 1:00 am that night. Although, the contractions were not too strong they were consistent every 10 minutes. As they kept getting closer and longer, we decided to call Jennifer and she said that they will be on their way. Soon after Michael hung up, my water broke and my contractions got way stronger. I tried to make it to the birthing pool, but it wasn't ready yet. Everything was going faster than we thought. I had to kneel down and support my arms on the chest that was next to the pool while my husband tried to fill it up. I started pushing then and could feel the baby's head crowning. Michael called Jennifer to let her know that he could see a head! LOL! Lucky for us, she was just down the street because as soon as she came upstairs, she got to catch the baby! Everyone was so great and helpful afterwards!

The Birth of Genevieve Lark

It all began on Monday morning, November 4th. I had been feeling a little crampy in my back but nothing noteworthy. That morning I used the bathroom and, lo and behold, I lost my mucous plug. I had my 38 week appointment with my midwife at 11 am and conveniently my mom was already planning on going with me so she could meet my midwife before the birth. Jennifer, my midwife, noticed my uterus contracting and made a mental note of the progress. I felt the cramps but at this point I couldn’t really feel the start or end of a contraction. I had to touch my belly to feel the uterus tightening in order to know I was even having a contraction. She also told me that Genevieve was fully engaged in my pelvis. During the appointment contractions went from 15 minutes to 10 minutes apart. I was officially in early labor. My mom and I chuckled because we’d both known that I would go into labor early. I called my office and told them I was officially going on maternity leave.

I was so glad my mom was with me! We ran to the grocery store to stock up on food and get all the last minute details in place. I let my birth team know that things were starting. I felt like I was floating, my mind was so scattered but I also felt so calm and full of peace. I spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning, eating and resting, knowing that this could last a while. By 4:00 pm contractions were 8-10 minutes apart but easy to work through. My mom left and Michael came home from work. We spent our last few hours alone together. That evening we walked around our neighborhood hoping to get things going. By 7:30 contractions were more like 7 minutes apart. I wanted to distract myself, so Michael, my mom, my mother-in-law, and I played a round of dominos. By the end of the game I was over it and wanted to focus on the contractions. At 9:30 I iced some birthday cupcakes for when we would celebrate Genevieve’s birthday. And then I was ready for bed. Everyone left and I tried to ‘sleep’. I was really restless and just wanted the heated pad on my back. Contractions were 6 minutes apart. Karlie, my doula and dear friend, showed up at midnight and we all tried to get some sleep. I woke up at 5 am and barely felt contractions. It was so strange because all night I was feeling so much. When contractions pick up and slow back down, it’s called prodromal labor.

Tuesday, November 5th:

Tuesday morning we woke up, ate some breakfast and took a walk in Shelby Park. It was so nice to spend a few hours outside getting some fresh air. Contractions picked back up and were again at 6-8 minutes apart. 

My midwife came over around noon to check on me and see how things were going. She asked if I wanted to be checked to know my cervical dilation.

Here’s where things get vulnerable: When I was young I experienced sexual abuse. Because of this I have had issues with annual check-ups, intimacy with my husband, and even wearing tampons. It is something that I have worked through in counseling, some physical therapy, and just time. But it is still difficult for me to physically get my pelvic floor muscles to relax. It’s a condition called vaginismus. It definitely crossed my mind that this would play a role in labor but I never really gave it much thought because I didn’t want to believe that my dreams of a natural, vaginal birth could be hindered by trauma I experienced years ago.

Suffice it to say, Jennifer tried to check my dilation but wasn’t really able to because it hurt me too much and the last thing she wanted to do was cause more trauma. Everyone who was at my house left so I could be alone with Michael. I was feeling really down after the failed cervical check and I started crying. After 2 hours of feeling weepy, my mom, sister and a couple of close friends came over to cheer me up. Contractions were still regular but I could work through them by simply breathing. They gave me massages and lifted my spirits. My midwife came back over and felt it would be best if everyone left so I could try and get some more rest. I cried again and we went to bed at 6 pm. In the middle of the night the contractions got really intense. Michael got up and made me some eggs, lit some candles and helped me through the contractions. I knew that this was still early labor and I was just so tired, I wanted to go back to bed. So I worked through contractions the rest of the night, falling into deep sleep in the minutes between them.

Wednesday, November 3rd:

Wednesday morning my mom and Karlie came by the house. They lifted my spirits once again and painted my toenails. I then had a chiropractor appointment at noon to see if my chiropractor could help with the intense hip pain and to help baby get into a better position. For the next 2 hours Karlie, Michael and I walked around the neighborhood, stopping when contractions hit. Our midwife came back and checked my cervix, this time with a little more help and coaching from Karlie and Michael. I was only 4 cm dilated. Jennifer decided to take some blood to make sure it wasn’t an infection causing the contractions because I wasn’t really progressing at all. Jennifer left to run my blood to the lab. Right after she left I had an intense contraction and noticed clear fluid running down my leg; it was around 5 pm that my water broke. Contractions felt like they were picking up so we called our midwife and Michael started setting things up. I was so excited that something was happening! Jennifer showed up at 8 pm with all her supplies (By the way, midwives come with LOTS of supplies. She had 3 trunks full of equipment). By 9 pm the tub was set up and I got in. Mary, the midwife assistant, also showed up at this time. I was in the tub for about 30 minutes but couldn’t really feel the contractions anymore. I could tell that the warm water was slowing labor down, but it really did feel so good! I got out of the tub and at 10 pm Jennifer checked me again. I was still tensing up really bad but it seemed like my cervix had made progress. At that point we believed we were in active labor. 

From 10-12 Michael and I worked through contractions like champs. We were pulling out all of our tricks from our childbirth classes. I remember thinking, ‘why am I so alert?’ ‘This isn’t that bad, I mean the contractions are really intense but not impossible to work through’. By 2 am my midwife checked me again and could not feel any cervix, we thought this must mean I was fully dilated. It was so strange because I had no urge to push. For the next hour, Michael and I were in the nursery while the birth team got rest and we were seeing if I could ‘push’. But nothing. Karlie had to leave at 5 am to go back to work in Chattanooga and I started feeling frustrated. We were so close to meeting our little one, we were absolutely exhausted and I knew things were strange.

Thursday, November 4th:             

By morning my midwife knew that something was not right. We decided to get me on the bed and try some assisted pushing. She wanted to feel my cervix while I pushed during a contraction to get an idea of what was going on. With the help of Mary and Michael, I was able to fully relax so Jennifer could do another cervical check. They massaged my legs, used hot compresses and even lavender oil. It was at this point that Jennifer realized what was really going on. In the gentlest voice and with tears in her eyes, she told me that she was finally able to feel the cervix for the first time. Jennifer had been concerned that the reason I was not progressing was because my pelvis was too small. But after that last check she knew I had room to get my baby out. However, I was only 4 cm dilated with a very posterior cervix. Because of my previous trauma my pelvic floor muscles were so tight that she was not able to do an adequate exam the night before; the muscle felt like a bone. She had to put transferring to the hospital on the table because instead of being 10 cm dilated without the urge to push, I was barely in active labor and my water had been broken for over 12 hours. It is my midwife’s and Vanderbilt’s policy not to wait more than 24 hours after the membrane has ruptured due to the risk of infection, especially without any progress. Because I was exhausted, they thought maybe an epidural is what I needed to facilitate the relaxation of the pelvic floor.

This is when we hit rock bottom. We were pretty much told that after 3 days of consistent contractions, and what we thought was the end in sight, we were starting all over. We were still in early labor. I was exhausted, Michael was exhausted and we did not know what to do. I was in shock. I didn’t know how to process it all. I remember not feeling any emotion, like I was numb. I asked her if we could have a minute and once she left, Michael and I sobbed in our bed for almost an hour. So many thoughts were racing through my head – What do I need to pack for the hospital? Will I be sleeping at the hospital tonight? Should I just get a C-section? How will we pay for it all? So I am not having a home birth? And more than all of that I was thinking that I can’t do this anymore. I have no energy. I have no drive. I am done. Can someone just knock me out for the next 3 days? And as I am feeling those emotions, contraction after contraction continued to hit me. These were really hard to work through emotionally because I had thought they were transition contractions and now I know these were only early labor contractions. I was struggling.

I left Michael in the bedroom and went out to see my midwife and her assistant. Jennifer recommended that Michael try and get some sleep because if we were to transfer to the hospital he would need as much energy as possible to support me. It’s all a blur what happened next. I needed my mom. Conveniently she was across the street at my sister’s house waiting to come over. Once she arrived I broke down in her arms and continued to work through contractions. Next thing I remember, I am laying on the couch in my mom’s lap and Jennifer and Mary are sitting next to me. Jennifer told me that we do have a time constraint because my water had broken but she affirmed me that I could do it. Because I was able to relax during the last cervical check, she told me, my body knows how to relax but I have to keep doing that in order to progress. I didn’t want to be a victim to my abuse, something from which I thought I had already healed. Everyone in that room really believed that I could overcome this. Michael came out from the bedroom because he didn’t want to sleep and told Jennifer in tears that he could not be away from me and that he really wanted this home birth for my sake. He switched places with my mom and we got down to business.

Two things needed to happen in order for us to continue with a home birth. First, I needed to fully relax my pelvic floor. I was not going to progress if this didn’t happen. This would be quite a feat because I had spent years struggling to do this. Leg massages, warm compresses, and lavender oil are what it took to help me achieve this. I think the fact that I was utterly exhausted also aided in the relaxation. Second, I needed to have more intense contractions. So we used pressure points, different positions, nipple stimulation and black and blue cohosh. Jennifer wanted to do another check. With Michael’s encouragement and Mary relaxing the muscles in my thighs, Jennifer was able to check my cervix without any trouble. There was a lot of blood and I was 5-6 cm with the cervix moving more anterior, which meant things were progressing! If I had not shown progress at this point, we would be going to the hospital.

This is when everything got real. Something happened in this moment. I really believe it was all the prayers that were said for us that morning because the hope and strength I felt right then was powerful. I actually believed I could have a home birth. With my new wave of energy I managed to get all my clothes off, I took another dose of black and blue cohosh and I was doing nipple stimulation all in hopes of getting things going. My midwife laughed and said, ‘This is what a laboring woman looks like’. It was such a contrast from the night before when I thought I was in active labor. All my inhibitions were gone and my only thoughts were getting this baby out. I could care less about a water birth, who was there, if it would end but being filmed, how I looked, etc. My 'plans' and expectations went out the window. It was raw and intense.

I was officially in labor land. Other moms who have had natural labor know what I am talking about. I was focused and in another world. I wasn’t really talking between contractions I just wanted to labor uninterrupted. I worked through a few contractions on the couch, then I moved to the bedroom with the yoga ball on the bed and worked through contractions standing up leaning on the ball. I even tried on my hands and knees in the shower to see if the warm water would help. Through every single contraction I needed Michael by my side and Mary massaging my legs. It was the only way I was able to fully relax all my muscles. My body was developing a routine and system for working through each contraction. 

I moved to the bed and once there, I didn’t want to move. I was leaning up against Michael and using his hands for stability. Unfortunately, a water birth was off the table. I needed Mary and Michael to actively assist me through each contraction and they couldn’t have done that if I was in the tub. I didn’t expect to be so vocal. I was seriously loud. They were deep, primal groans that came from who knows where. I learned later that I was so loud my neighbors across the street thought there was someone in their house ;) The low groans helped me so much! It’s like I got lost in the noise and the vibrations in my head. It’s what I focused on during each contraction. 
 

As they intensified, I knew I had to throw up. I remember vomiting quite a few times and feeling so much relief. It was hard though because I would finish a contraction then during the break I would be throwing up and then move right back into a contraction. That was tough. Jennifer checked me again and I was 7 cm. More progress! Anytime Mary would leave the room, I would yell out, “Mary, I need you! Another contraction!” She never got a break! Such a rock star.

I started to get the urge to push so I gave it a try during the next few contractions. It felt so amazing to finally be doing something proactive. Jennifer wanted to check me again before I got serious with the pushing to make sure I was fully dilated. I was only 8 cm. She instructed me to not push, to fight the urge because pushing right now could mean damaging the cervix. My goodness this was the hardest part of the entire labor process. I got flat on my back and when a contraction came on I would breathe through it as long as possible until the urge got too strong and then I would vibrate my lips to fight the need to push. It was excruciating. I still remember how I felt looking up at my ceiling thinking I was dying. No joke, I thought I was dying. I looked at both Jennifer and Michael many times saying things like “I can’t do this, I can’t handle any more contractions, I want to die”. But there comes a moment that you realize – there is no way out. I can’t push pause. I think I even said something like can we try for babies next year, I am not ready. It was seriously overwhelming. My dear husband was totally prepared for this. He knew that when I was giving up, that was a good sign. So he really got in my face encouraging me every second. I was in transition. About 30 minutes of fighting this urge, my midwife checked me right when a contraction hit. I didn’t know what she was doing at that moment but I remember thinking she was ripping something. I yelled her name and dropped the F-bomb. She was moving the tiny bit of cervical lip over the baby’s head. I asked her if I could push now and she said yes.

When it’s time to push, it’s like a whole new surge of energy hits. Out of instinct I stood up at the foot of my bed and during the next contraction I pushed with all my might using my midwife for support.  It was so relieving! In our childbirth class we were instructed to take 2 breathes and then push for a count of 6. That went out the window. By the time I had pushed for 6 seconds, I was just getting started. I probably pushed for 20 seconds at a time. I was using the power of the contractions with the pushing and it really did feel so much better. My groans got louder and deeper, if that is even possible, and I yelled out, “If anyone is in the living room they can come in!” My mom, sister and our videographer stood at the door as I pushed again squatting on the bed with Mary and Michael supporting each arm. There was a lot of bleeding and my midwife wanted me to lay back on the bed with Michael supporting my body so she could get a better look of what was going on.

I remember feeling my baby move down the birth canal. It was incredible. During the next contraction my midwife said “I see her blonde hair.” Whoa. I couldn’t open my eyes though. I was so focused that I kept my eyes closed the whole time. By the next contraction I could tell she was starting to crown. I felt what is known as the ‘ring of fire.’ It is an intense stretching, burning feeling but honestly, it didn’t even phase me at that point. I was so ready for it all to be over. It could not have been more than 3 contractions that her head was out. Michael started to cry and I could hear the gasps from the onlookers. I opened my eyes for a minute and remember seeing them all at the door. I was so glad my mother-in-law made it at the last moment, too. After 33 minutes of pushing, at 3:57 pm, I birthed Genevieve Lark into this world.

She was immediately put on my chest and I just said over and over again “hey baby, hey baby, hey baby”. Michael was crying and I was just in shock. I was out of breath. I’ve heard people say this and I found it to be true, my baby was both a stranger and someone I have known all along. The familiarity was from the bond we had while she was in my womb. I was so happy that it was over but I didn’t feel total relief because I knew the placenta was next and then potential stitching. Things were still burning down there. After a few minutes of bonding and waiting for the cord to stop pulsing, Michael cut the cord and Genevieve was separated from my body. My placenta was not detaching on its own so I started to breastfeed to try and keep the contractions going. She is a natural latcher and did great! However, it was 40 minutes after birth and my placenta was not moving. I gave Genevieve to Michael and carried her out into the living room to meet the family. He also held her skin to skin to keep her temperature regulated and to encourage the attachment between the two of them. Jennifer had me stand up off the bed and gave me a shot of Pitocin in my thigh. She was worried about me hemorrhaging. Once she gave me the shot, one contraction later I birthed the placenta. I only needed a few minor stitches for one 1st degree tear and with a shot of Novocain, my midwife was able to suture me up right there. Jennifer then weighed and measured Genevieve. She was 6 lbs 13 ounces and 20.5 inches long.

Everyone left the room so Michael, Genevieve, and I could have some time just the 3 of us. Everyone else started to clean-up in the rest of the house. I will always treasure that time. After 15 minutes I was ready to get cleaned up. So with Michael’s help I took a shower and washed my body off. By the time I was done my room had been completely cleaned. The bed was remade with clean, fresh sheets. Michael’s family brought champagne and we sang Happy Birthday and ate the cupcakes I made 3 days earlier. Then it was time to rest just the three of us. And let me tell you, the morning after, waking up in our bed with the sun shining in the window and our baby cuddled up with us, that was pure joy!

The Birth of Todd Reeves

As I rounded the bend into week 38 of my second pregnancy, a cloud of denial and confusion lifted and it became clear that my husband was an active addict.  Multiple substances were involved.  I won’t go any further into that nightmare, except to say that I decided we needed to separate for a while, and he decided to go to inpatient rehab.  We both knew this meant he would miss the birth.  This was indescribably sad, simultaneously very freeing, and absolutely the right decision for our family. 

As I struggled to adjust my vision of what birth and family life would be like, my blood pressure, which had always been borderline high throughout the pregnancy, began to skyrocket due to stress.  This was no shock to either my midwives or myself.  I showed no other signs of pre-eclampsia (no swelling, no protein in my urine, no headaches, not seeing spots, no stomach pain).  They decided, after some research, to keep me as a client, provided that things didn’t get any more out of control with my pressures and I continued to show no other worrisome signs.

The main thing on my mind was that I wanted to give birth to the baby before my blood pressure got so out of control that I would be facing another hospital induction.  I started taking a tincture of motherwort and hawthorne, which was rather dramatically effective at keeping my blood pressure in check.  (Here’s to living in a neighborhood with an herbal supply store and experienced herbalists to help me!) 

I also began doing all those things that are supposed to bring about labor:  eating pineapple, eating spicy food, acupuncture three or four times a week, chiropractic adjustment, massage, walking long distances.  Week 39 passed, then my due date. 

I broke out the big guns.  I started taking evening primrose oil.  I had my membranes stripped – twice.  I took blue cohosh.  My sister came to stay with me for a long weekend as I turned over into week 41.  I continued to have strong, painless Braxton-Hicks contractions, as I had for weeks.  I had been dilated to 4 cm for at least two weeks. 

This baby just did not want to come. 

I didn’t know if it was emotional reservations I was having about the birth, if God was trying to tell me that I needed to consider another plan besides home birth, or what. 

From checking my cervix, my midwife Jennifer and I both tended to think that the baby was asynclitic – meaning his head was tilted to the side and it wasn’t putting even pressure on my cervix to open it.  Only strong contractions would bring him into proper alignment. 

At 41 weeks and 3 days (Wednesday, May 15), I reached the end of the road.  Jennifer came over to check my blood pressure and other vitals.  My BP was way too high – 185/100, twice.  We talked over our options.  At 42 weeks, licensed homebirth midwives in Tennessee are required to take their clients for a Biophysical Profile, which is a cluster of tests on the baby that measure how well he is holding up in there.  The vast majority of women do not return from this test and are induced after the BPP.  Jennifer asked if I was willing to go in for a BPP the next morning, with the knowledge that I was most likely walking into a hospital induction.  I agreed.  Since I would have to do it in a few days anyway, why not just go ahead? 

But there was one old wives’ tale that I hadn’t yet attempted.  The dreaded castor oil.  I decided that tonight was the night, as I was staring down the barrel of another pitocin-drenched birth.  I took a tablespoon at seven pm, Jennifer came over and stripped my membranes one more time, and I started cleaning the house – trying to stay upright and get some good contractions going.  The castor oil wasn’t too bad.  I chased it with apricot nectar so I didn’t taste it.  It had the consistency of what I imagine motor oil might be like?  It’s a strong stimulant laxative that is really supposed to give you kicking diarrhea.  I had one measly, normal BM.  I figured I was immune to the stuff.  I took the dog for a long walk, paid the bills, did some laundry, and thought about packing for the hospital (Vicki was already with her grandparents for the night).  I took one more tablespoon of castor oil at 11 pm and lay down to rest. 

At about 1:00 in the morning, I rushed to the bathroom for the awful diarrhea I had been promised.  But it still didn’t really feel like labor.  After finishing up, I went back to bed and slept a bit longer, even though I felt some cramping.  At 3:00 or so, I woke up and could no longer rest comfortably through the cramping and contractions I was feeling.  Now THIS was labor.

I tried to take a bath.   The pain got more and more severe, very quickly.  I tried to stand up.  I tried to sit down.  I tried to rock back and forth, I tried to drape myself over a stack of pillows.  The contractions were coming so fast, I had no idea what to do.  I must have been having them every thirty seconds, lasting about a minute?  I couldn’t get my head together to time them.  I felt like I was losing it and I surely needed to get to the hospital.  My main thought was, If this lasts for ten more hours, I will die.  Finally, I texted my friend Stephanie who was going to support me through the birth, and midwife Jennifer.  It was about 4:17, according to my text log.  I texted them both:  “Come immediately.  Want hospital want drugs.  Can’t cope with this.”  They both responded that they would come right away.  I waited for what felt like hours.  I cursed them both, wondering if they fell back asleep.  I looked at my phone.  It had been six minutes. 

Steph got here first.  She had never witnessed a birth, and I apologized that this was going to cause her to never want children.  To her great credit, she was amazing.  Although I could tell she was scared by the drama of it.  All I could do was lean against the kitchen counter and yell “No, No, No, No.”  I cried to God to help me and save me.  The pain and pressure were so intense. 

Jennifer arrived shortly.  She could tell through the door, as she waited on my front porch, by my yelling and carrying on that this wasn’t going to last much longer.  I was either having a baby or going to the hospital.  I had a few more contractions before she could get me to lie down and check my cervix.  It was totally gone.  It was time to push!  Within a couple contractions I felt an unbearable urge to bear down.  I was standing up, leaning against the side of my bed.  Four or five pushes later, and baby Todd was born!  There was a huge gush of fluid as his head unstopped my water.  It was 5:06 am.  I had been awake for two hours. 

Todd’s shoulders were broad and he didn’t want to turn them correctly.  Jennifer had me push and pulled him out quickly.  He was big!  8 pounds, 12 ounces.  He looked so huge compared to Vicki when she was born (7lb1oz).  She wasn’t that size until she was almost 8 weeks old!

I had trouble birthing the placenta, which was very large as well.  It took me about an hour and it was very painful.  They had to push and prod at my abdomen a lot.  I was so panicked because I thought the pain was going to be over when the baby was born!  No such luck!  After two shots of pitocin in the thigh to clamp down my bleeding, I was finally able to push it out. 

Stephanie had been holding the baby while I was delivering the placenta.  He hollered and screamed from the second he came out – very healthy and pink.  He had the “look” that overdue babies sometimes have:  long fingernails, dry skin, wrinkled hands and feet, thinning hair.  He was definitely fully cooked!

I felt great.  I didn’t have any tearing or need stitches.  I felt very tired, of course, and sore in all my muscles.  The birth had been so intense that I could hardly believe it.  I had what is called a “precipitous birth.”  This is the kind of thing where ladies have their babies on the sidewalk.  I was so lucky that Jennifer lives just around the corner!  Bobbi, our other midwife, didn’t make it in time. 

I am so thankful for the level of skill and care that our midwives showed to me.  They truly became friends and confidantes as they walked with me through a very difficult time.  There are unfortunate circumstances at play, of course.  But what has been so amazing is the goodness and grace that God has shown our family through it all.  I have had friends and family at my beck and call since Todd’s birth.  Someone stays with me every night.  People take Vicki to and from her school each day.  They bring me whatever food I want. 

In the brief time of Todd’s birth, I had to face my emotions about some very real evil that has come into my life.  I believe now that that is what was keeping me from birthing for so long.  And in labor, as I screamed “No!  No!  No!” I was declaring my opposition to this evil.  God is so good, and has given me another healthy baby and birth.  I have so much for which to be thankful, even in the midst of evil and suffering.