The Birth of Bram

My pregnancy started out in Nebraska where we have lived for the past 8 years. Unfortunately in Nebraska it is still illegal for midwives to attend home births. For our first child we ended up driving 3 1/2 hours in to Denver CO to Mountain Midwifery, a free standing birthing center. So when we found out about baby #2, we really didn't see any other option but to go to Mountain Midwifery once again. Access to open minded pediatricians etc were 3 to 6 hours away from where we were in rural southwest Nebraska. So after some financial/job struggles we decided it would be best for us all if we headed home to Tennessee where both of our families still reside. Here we could have a home birth, my sister in law who is a midwife assistant and doula could attend the birth, and we could finally be among family after 8 years. I transferred my care to Vines Midwifery at 32 weeks. What a change from even seeing the midwives at the birthing center. I felt a connection with Jennifer right away. Jennifer radiates confidence, experience, and automatically put me at ease giving me confidence as well. I am convinced that midwives must emit incredible energy of something really special. There is simply a glow about them. Witnessing and being apart of miracles on a regular basis is a very very special calling. Anyway, I never felt rushed at appointments, and I appreciate the calm, comfortable atmosphere of her tiny office! My due date came and went. After much walking, jogging, dancing, spicy foods, you name it, I was back in Jennifer's office for my 41 week appointment. I had decided that I was going to let her check my cervix for signs of progress, and perhaps sweep the membranes if she recommended. It turned out that the cervix was posterior so sweeping the cervix would not really help things at all at this point. She said it may be another week; but also said she could be totally wrong and the baby will come any time. I was so mad that day! I was SO ready for baby (I didn't know if it was a boy or girl). and I was SO done being pregnant! My sister-in-law Mary(assistant and doula) who came with me to the appointment, suggested that we go to the mall with the kids and just walk around. By this point I was so anxious to get out of the house and keep my mind off things so I was all about it. We walked around the mall for a good 4 hours . I'm pretty sure I felt some different things happening to my body during this outing. That night was terrible. My 4 year old son Patrick did not take a nap and was absolutely off the wall and impossible to get to bed. My husband was exhausted from working all day. I was in the WORST mood ever. I'd never felt so impatient, frustrated, anxious, and just MAD! I was so ready to go into labor. I was so anxious about how it wall all going to go down. What was my story going to be? About 10:30 that night, I just had finally laid down when I felt a gush of water. I stood up and it went all over the floor. I called Mary and told her and she headed right over to stay the night. I then called Jennifer to let her know and she told me to let her know when regular contractions start. I used this time of excitement and relief to get the bed made for labor and do some last minute cleaning. Then I went back to bed. I was determined to go in to this labor rested, hydrated and a full stomach. I made that mistake the first time around. With my first child, my water broke at night in a very similar fashioncontractions started within a couple of hours so I did not rest. This time around I made sure I drank a ton, ate snacks and went to bed. Luckily contractions did not start up until around 5:30am. And I did manage to get about 3 hours of sleep. Mild regular contractions started around 5:30am. They were totally manageable. I used this time to do some more last minute cleaning. More drinking. And ate a lovely breakfast that my dear husband prepared for me. at 9:30am contractions started to intensify. Michael (husband) and Mary set up the tub. A good thing they started at this time because the hot water tank need to replenish at least twice before there was a sufficient amount of water. By 11:00 am or so the contractions were going about 1 minute apart. My mom felt the need to rush to the house. I knew it would be many more hours. My mom arrived thinking the baby was going to be born any second! I was probably still in early labor at this point. I mostly labored bending over the side of my bed with my face in a pillow. I tried getting on my hands and knees and a few other positions but this position felt the most comfortable. I focused on my breathing and tried to keep the tension out of my body. That was the key!!! Being aware of my tension. And seriously focusing on keeping my body relaxed and breathing through the contractions. My mind and body totally did not get this the first time around. Another thing that I think was so effective was to focus on "opening" and visualizing this. There were a couple of contractions were I physically felt my body had progressed. Mary offered to help me get in the tub a couple of times but I wanted to wait just in case it slowed things down. I also didn't want to spend so much time wet if I needed to get back out. I did finally get in the tub, perhaps about an hour later. it felt AMAZING! the water was perfect and took the pain of the contractions down perhaps by half. I had Mary plug in my electric fan so that it blew in my face as I was in the tub. It was perfect. It turned out that the contractions did not slow down in the water; they for sure held, and perhaps intensified. I even managed to eat some crackers and cheese in the tub! I was so happy I was able to eat and drink. For one, I would never have been able to do that in a hospital, and 2, I wasn't able to eat and drink during Patrick's labor because I was so very nauseous. I ended up having to get an IV because I was dehydrated and exhausted with such long a labor and no nourishment. I was very intent on progressing and knew that gravity would most likely speed things up. Getting hot in the tub anyway, I decided to get out. I labored standing beside the bed with my head in the pillow again for a while. I did do some squats kind of hanging on to the bed rails at some point. I think this really helped as well with visualizing "open" and probably helped literately too. It was a good position that felt very natural to do at the time. I was just following my body's lead. My brain and body seemed to be working very well in harmony. Unlike my first labor, I was not fighting through it. I was trying to embrace it and see the contractions as one step closer to holding that tiny baby. I was determined and not afraid. I knew there was no turning back. There was no back-up plan. There was no pain relief. I was going to do this and I was going to do it well. No matter what. While I was in the tub for the first time, Jennifer arrives. Jennifer asks me if I can still talk through the contractions. That was a big fat NO! When I got out of the tub, she checked my blood pressure. By now most of my family had arrived and were hanging out downstairs. My mom had decided to stick with me through the entire labor. I warned her that it would not be easy for her to see me in so much pain. But she insisted. She had witnessed her other grandchildren being born (in a hospital with meds) and did not want to miss this one. Jennifer and Mary were concerned when I told them that my mom may be present for some of the birth. They were worried it might be a hindrance. But I was so in "labor land" and in the zone that a parade of marching bands could have come through the room and I would not have cared! I'm glad she got to be there and all was well as far as I was concerned. I did not stay out of the tub long. Outside the tub, and the contractions continued to intensify, gravity seemed to much to bear. Apparently if your water has already broken, standing or walking is a bit harder to bare. I certainly noticed this after being in the water. OH if I only I had this knowledge with my first labor!! I walked and walked. They would not let me get in the water, as they were afraid it would slow things down! Thank God for Jennifer and her own expertise. With my previous labor, I labored with regular contractions for over 24 hours. I thought my care at the birthing center was excellent. But there is quite a difference between birthing center care, and home birth care. Home birth care is so much more personalized and much more freedom. I do also realize that this is the second birth and I am much more knowledgeable from my previous experience. Jennifer checked my dilation in the tub. I was really quite nervous to know my progress. I was SO afraid she was going to say that I was on 2 or 3 cm. But she told me I was about 7 1/2 ! That means I was getting close! Very motivational. I screamed in releif! Then I started doing some strange things in the tub! I even knew it was crazy as I was "in the zone" but I really didn't care. I found myself having to keep moving between contractions. I literally swam around the tub like a mermaid. I totally submerged myself with the exception of my face. Not sure why this felt like the thing to do but it did. The contractions were the most intense at this point and were coming very close together. My eyes were closed the entire time. Very rarely did I open them. I was in my own world.My eyes had really been mostly closed for about 6 hours or so. Around 4:00pm or so, I started feeling the need to push. I experimented with some light pushes to see how I felt. Jennifer had Mary check me to make sure I was ok to push. I heard her say that there was still a little bit of a cervical lip when she had checked me before. After getting a go ahead, I just did what felt natural. I started pushing and pushing into my bottom. What a relief!! It felt so much better to push that the pain of the contractions! I continued to push when it felt like the right time. I pushed around 30 minutes. out of the corners of my barely peeked eyes, I saw Mary and Jennifer getting on plastic with bands their arms ready to catch the baby. I was so encouraged and knew it was going to be any minute. I felt the baby moving down and crowning. I felt the burn of the "ring of fire", but it really was not bad at all. I had some very intense pushes that involved some pretty loud screams. I remember hearing my mom tell me that I was ok. At some point Michael was brought upstairs. And I heard him telling me to breathe through the pushes. This I could not figure out how to do. But whatever my body did figure out, it worked. A few minutes later the baby was born and put on my chest!! The biggest relief and joy of my life. All the words in the world could never describe these few minutes. I had done it. I had ran my marathon. Again. This time with both feet. And I had ran it well. I was then aware for the first time in many hours, my surroundings. I saw everyone's faces. I saw light, I saw the room. I came out of my world, perhaps just like the baby. The sound of the baby's cry. My mom anxiously wanting to know if it's a boy or a girl. I didn't care for that few minutes. I had done it!! And all was well. After a few minutes I looked, and it was a boy! He was perfect. Patrick helped cut the chord. The placenta was delivered with no problems. Mary then helped me out of the tub and in to the bed. I remember being very hungry and Mary bringing me food right away. Food never tasted so good. After a while in the bed with the baby, I took a glorious, wonderful, awesome shower. Jennifer did the newborn exam, all was well. All my family that was waiting downstairs was now near by, holding and adoring the new baby. It was so great to have them there. After the experience of my second birth I learned some very important things. I trusted my body and it worked. The body really does know what it is doing. There is no need to try to "control" anything. Let go of everything and just go along for the ride. Forget what other people in the room might be thinking or feeling. Focus on the goal. I embraced the pain and thought of each contraction as progress instead of tensing my body and trying to fight through the pain. I was so thankful that Jennifer and Mary were so "hands off" They trusted me. They knew the power of a woman's mind and body. Believing is the key.